What if Not Everything Got Worse?
Eating a Big Arch for lunch
Every day I wake up the world is dying.
Wealth inequality is approaching an all time high, roving gangs of thugs are disappearing humans across major cities in America, young men are being encouraged to break their own faces in the hopes of achieving sharp jaw lines. Colleges are becoming day cares for the rich and dumb. More and more people think it’s ok to start sentences with “I asked ChatGPT…”. Can’t find a topo chico anywhere. The only way to achieve social mobility is to hit it big in a betting app but those are being run by elected officials with inside information. The president has effectively turned the federal government into his personal money making scheme. The billionaire pedophile ring was REAL and the guy that’s supposed to be prosecuting and investigating it is out in the Olympics getting drunk and being named honorary white boy. There’s wars and rumors of wars and ongoing genocides all over the world. Everything is getting worse and worse every day.
The enshittifaction of the world is real. In the face of all this there is only one thing that stands against the tide of horribleness that is engulfing the harsh reality of our day to day and like haystack rock withstanding a pummeling against the sea plainly and calmly says. No. The Big Arch.
The latest in a series of behemoths to come out of the labs at McDonalds that sit atop the size scale. The Big Arch unlike the Double Big Mac and the Grand Mac before it (let’s pretend the chicken big mac didn’t exist) is not a variant of the Big Mac instead it is a whole new genus of burger. The Spinosaurus, to the Big Mac’s T-Rex. I believe it’s the first McDonalds burger to feature a poppy and sesame seed bun, and these buns are thicc. It also has two types of onions, raw and crispy fried onions. THREE slices of WHITE cheddar cheese, which I didn’t trust right away, and a whole new signature sauce, the Arch sauce. There’s three components it shares with other McDonalds burgers, pickles, lettuce, and the patties are the same you would find in a double quarter pounder.
When these ingredients come together though it creates something all together wonderful. The Arch sauce is distinct from Mac Sauce, it’s more tangy. There’s a bit more of a punch to it that doesn’t exist in Mac sauce which is more mellow. The double onion works especially when you get a crisp fresh onion then a fried crispy one in the next bite, two different types of crisp. The thicker Quarter Pounder patties (as compared to the Big Mac patties) were a bit salty in my Big Arch but the triple slices of perfectly melting cheddar put up a valiant effort in combating that. I must admit I was proved wrong, the cheese worked. Especially the quantity of slices. The issue with the double big mac was that it was too messy and unwieldy. The ONLY issue with the Grandmac was that the patties felt a bit too thing. The Big Arch addresses both of these with those THICC buns. There’s really no other word to describe them, cus they really are beefy but they can handle all that sauce which is applied on both the top and bottom buns with ease. My Big Mac hack is always to ask for more sauce, that’s not necessary here. What I cannot stress enough is that when all these individual factors come together in a bite they produce a very satisfying experience, and it repeats every time until you finish it. The buns can handle the mess, the patties don’t fall apart. It’s a good burger. And I got full, I didn’t feel cheated.
At my McDonalds it was only 8.79. The meal was only one dollar more at 9.79. This puts the Big Arch at 116 calories per dollar which makes it a pretty good deal if not a food engineering marvel, like the gold standard McDouble which at 2.89 for 390 calories gives you 135 calories per dollar. It does however outclass its cousins the Double Quarter Pounder With Cheese at only 90 calories per dollar (8.19 for 740 calories) and the Big Mac at 98 calories per dollar ( 5.89 for 580 calories) I know the price is different across the country but I do feel like this is a sweet spot for it.
I had it for lunch today, and I enjoyed every bite. Afterwards I was satisfied, and full, and didn’t even hate myself more than I did before I started eating it. I had an experience in a fast food restaurant that didn’t make my life worse. It was a strange feeling especially in 2026, it reminded me of better times. Maybe, just maybe we’re gonna be okay. Or maybe I find myself once again going to McDonalds in a tough time in my life when life feels hollow and like a staged play where nothing matters and this simple food can provide a sense of comfort and refuge. Maybe I just needed a win and having a decent burger for a not crazy price was exactly the right dosage of hope to go on a little bit more.
McDonalds didn’t pay me for this but if they wanna send me some merch I’ll rock it.
Accusing me of romanticizing fast food would be fair.
I believe everything I wrote full heartedly.