On October 10th McDonald’s, America’s foremost fast food chain, introduced the Chicken Big Mac to the entire country. The Big Mac is a legendary sandwich that is perfect encapsulation of American excess mass produced and made affordable to the masses. It made it’s debut nationwide in 1968 and it was a stolen idea from the Big Boy restaurant chain. Even this, the fact that it’s a bit of Fast Food Imperialism lends to the status of it as the Great American Fast Food Sandwich. All the other national chains try to compete but can’t ever reach it’s splendor, the Whopper pales in comparison, the Jumbo Jack is not even in the same class, Dave had to change the shape of his patties to try and match it, nothing compares. There’s been a few variations to the Big Mac throughout it’s history each a sign of the times it’s been released in, the last being the Grand Mac which was a favorite of mine. A Bigger Big Mac, wider not taller, and with double the sauce. It was perfection. I love the Big Mac, I’ve been eating it for decades and writing about it just about as long.
The Chicken Big Mac is an offense to all that is Big and Mac.
On October 17, 2024 I finally had one of these monstrosities after being hounded non stop (1 time) on Tiktok by ads for it. McDonald’s claims it’s just a normal Big Mac with the patties swapped for “two tempura-battered chicken patties” but to call these chicken-particulate stuffed fried circular objects “tempura-battered patties” is the biggest lie told in the history of the restaurant chain. Imagine a McNugget, now make it bigger and flatter and less crispy. Remove all the seasoning, add more sodium(Somehow) and give it flavor of frying oil more than anything else and THAT is what these “patties” are. I cannot over emphasize how flavorless they were. What makes matters worse is that the Mac Sauce CANNOT penetrate even one nanometer of the shell of the patty, it’s as if there’s an anti Mac Sauce shield on them. What that means is that upon biting the sandwich the Sauce just SLIPS out. The burger falls apart immediately within one bite. I know you may be thinking it’s a ME issue but I took to the streets (youtube) to see people eating this thing and it happens to EVERY SINGLE ONE.
With all the sauce ending up outside of the burger, the chicken nugget patty being blander than anything on the McDonald’s menu there’s still one more indignity that McDonald’s hits us with. There’s no diced onions on this so called Big Mac. No Onions, Sauce not sticking to anything, No Flavor. What is the point of this sandwich?
What makes everything worse is that McDonald’s WHEN THEY WANT TO can make a pretty decent sandwich. Think of the former McChicken since then renamed the “McCrispy” the chicken patties on those sandwiches are actually chicken patties, NOT enlarged chicken nuggets made of chicken slurry like the ones on the Chicken Big Mac.
The real reason why this exists can be found when listening to McDonald’s earning calls. Since 2018 McDonald’s has attempted to position itself as a “credible chicken player” and as recently as this year has made it clear that as Beef prices climb they’re aiming to “pivot to poultry” and apparently also pivot to flavorless, offensive, downright sacrilegious damage to their most trusted brands.
This is why this is the end of American Empire, an end that was expected, our decades of excess highlighted by the fact that beef an outrageously expensive source of protein was able to be consumed daily and in exorbitant quantities were bound to end. Never mind the lack of leadership at a global scale, or the dwindling cultural influence of American art, the obsession with AI, and the general glorification of ignorance within this country. The Golden Arches can’t even afford to make a Big Mac anymore. Worse yet, they can’t even put onions on their replacement.
Still, nothing encapsulates America better than The Big Mac…even the Chicken Big Mac. We are unable to stop a client state from committing genocide, unable to have functioning health care, or livable wages, unable to take care of our environment, frothing at the mouth to consume more and more of less and less. A Chicken Big Mac.
I sat in McDonalds and finished my disgusting sandwich. Ashamed, but glad it was over.